Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
