Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
