don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
