I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I forgot how hot balto sounded
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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