I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
