I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
