haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
