Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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