just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We have started to decorate penises.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
