I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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