I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
