people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
