The maid of honor just puked.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
