i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize