You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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