How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
