I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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