Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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