ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
