people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
