You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
