dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
