I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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