NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
