I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
