Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
