I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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