someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
