I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My feet surprised me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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