Plan B is the new Plan A
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
