woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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