I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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