You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
