Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
