Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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