Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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