It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
