After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't turn off my feet"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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