My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
