wrigley field is MILF paradise
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
