I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
