the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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