1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I will pee on everything he values.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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