sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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