I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize