There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
