last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
