I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
