Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
