sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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