Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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