just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
