I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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