he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
