Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize