I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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