the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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