why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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