The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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