awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
