Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
