Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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