There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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