HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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