I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
