she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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