That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize