i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
