i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
