just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
