This dress was meant to end up on your floor
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's the barista slut.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
