Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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