Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
