i need an iv and a liver transplant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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