respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
