he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
