She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
