i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
