The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
