I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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