$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
