dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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