Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
