i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
