i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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