Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize