u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
