His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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