Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
