Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
