I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
