i permit you to call me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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