Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
