I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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